I almost stole a box of cookies from a homeless man last night

06Mar09

There is a panhandler who usually sits on the corner of 33rd and Broadway; you may have seen him before. He sits in a camp chair and has a prosthetic leg which he usually props up against the building. He seems like a nice enough guy, he’s never confrontational and usually talking to the coffee vendor outside of the video game store.

Last night, I was hurrying down 33rd to meet a friend after work. There on the corner the man’s chair was set up, his possessions laid out carefully, and his prosthesis gone, which made me think he was coming back soon. As I passed by, my eyes zeroed in on a sight to behold.  Propped up and displayed like the diamonds in the Cartier windows was a box of Girl Scout Cookies. They were not just any variety of Girl Scout Cookies either, but Tagalongs, my absolute favorite; the crispy vanilla wafer layered with peanut butter and covered in chocolate.

My eyes settled on the glowing red box, and my heart was warmed with every happy memory from childhood. I could taste them.  As I gazed longingly at the box, the awkward preteen girls on the front of the box became animated and began calling to me, urging me to snatch up the box and run away. But then reason set in, and I understood that it was most certainly a trap. Had I reached out to grab the little red box, I probably would have been entangled in a net and whisked away to an unspeakably horrid fate.

Whoever set this trap is a diabolical genius who tried to take advantage of both my nostalgic love for Girl Scout Cookies and my complete lack of morals.  This evil mastermind is no doubt a worthy opponent, but one which I will be forced to destroy eventually.

Filed under: crappy jokes, malfunctioning moral compass   |  1 Comment